Law and Order
by Ebil Chameleon
Summary: Renji wants to learn to drive. Ichigo knows it's a bad idea, but he does it anyways. Renji then get's a taste of law and order of the real world. -RenjIchi- -Oneshot-


**Oh dear, what am I getting into? Oh well, I've had this idea playing in my head for a while and I am a HUGE Renj/Ichi fan. So…yeah…lol. It probably came to me because I'm starting to drive (I'm fifteen) and I always started laughing when I thought of Renji driving.**

**Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine. But I will continue to dream.**

**Warnings: Language, very mild sexual content, Renji's lack of knowledge in how law and order works XP. **

* * *

It was truly an unusual request.

"Hey, Ichi. You know…I've been thinking…"

Hearing Renji say that he's been thinking was never a good thing and it just seemed to turn out bad no matter what.

"'Bout what?" Ichigo responded and glanced at the man who resided on the other side of the couch. He ignored the TV, which was now stopped on an annoying infomercial, and waited for the redhead to continue.

"Well, I'm going to be here in the real world for a while more…and I was just wanted to know…"

Ichigo raised an eyebrow. Why was this man beating around the bush so suddenly? Renji was a straight forward man, demanding, and always wanting to be dominant. As shown in their relationship. And it wasn't like him to hesitate when asking for something.

"Teach me to drive." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. As if he was commanding the younger man.

Ichigo looked skeptical as he turned his attention back to the television. "No." he said shortly, directly. The orange haired man reached forward and he grabbed his soda off the table in front of him.

"Why?" Renji started whining. "It's only fair that I learn. And I need something to rub into Ikkaku's face." Renji had heard, on more than one occasion, of his friend learning how to ride a bike, courtesy of Kiego. And that was nearly three years ago. Still, the bald man would boast about his accomplishment while Yumichika rolled his eyes and left whatever room they were in, not wanting to hear the story again.

Ichigo of course knew the reason why. This was Renji, the man who was overly fascinated with too many real life inventions. Even with the amount of technology in the Soul Society, it still didn't compare to the gadgets and do-dads in this world.

So trying to teach a man, who was first bewildered by coffee, stole a gun from a police officer and had no idea how to use it, and who knows what else, to drive was a crazy thought. Hell, it wasn't until just recently that he had figured out how to use the microwave and even then he nearly started a fire by placing a mug for tea, which had metal on it, and after nearly two minutes, he had asked Ichigo if it was supposed to flame like it was. It was safe to add that the mug didn't make it and Ichigo found himself scrapping melted plastic from his microwave.

"Renji, driving isn't as easy as you think it is. 'Specially for someone who can't figure out how to put the window in the car down." After taking another sip of soda, Ichigo set his soda back down onto the table, his scowl taking it's natural place on his face. His chocolate eyes were pulled from the TV when he found nothing interesting. He could feel Renji's scarlet eyes on him. He squirmed uncomfortably, throwing a glare out of the corner of his eye.

"I can put the window down. Ya just push that little button and it goes down." Renji looked proud of himself. His face then contorted. "Still don't get why it goes up and down using the same button though."

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Ichigo began to think of the possibilities that could result with Renji driving. The first thing he thought of was his car. He worked pretty damn hard for that car. Sure it was used and a few years old, but that silver Suzuki ran good, it looked good, and it worked for him. The thought of what could happen to it with Renji behind the wheel was terrifying. Suddenly he could see people running through the street, terror in everyone's eyes. He could see the destruction. Oh, that was a painful sight.

In his time of thought, he had never noticed the other man slinking towards him with a seductive smirk and smoldering eyes. He gulped, thinking of what he was going to do.

"R-Renji…"

"Come on Ichi." The man Renji breathed heavily in his ear. "Ya know it wouldn't hurt to try." Hands began to run over Ichigo's sides. He felt the man's tongue sneak out and run along the outer shelf of his ear, sending a chill of pleasure down his spine.

Still, the strawberry man was putting the thought off. There was no way he could teach Renji to drive. It was an absurd thought.

Renji's lips began to descend down his jaw line and to his neck. Instinctively his head rolled over to the side, allowing the man free range. He bit his lip, biting back a moan when he felt Renji's teeth nip at his skin.

"N-not fair bastard." He growled and urged to pull away.

"Come on Ichigo."

Ichigo loved the way he said his name. In that deep, husky voice that sent pleasure coursing through his body.

Slowly his hands moved to Renji's chest and he forced the man away. "You jerk!" he shouted. "You cheating bastard!"

"Oh Ichi. Just teach me, please? I'll give you more if you do." With a wink and a hand trailing over the man's thigh, he was sure he was on the pathway to success. Just a bit more seduction and sweet promises and he would get what he wanted.

"No Renji. It's a hazard to other people if you are driving." With that, Ichigo stood up, determined to get another soda. He snuck into the small kitchen of his small apartment and went to the fridge.

Two months ago, Ichigo had moved out. He felt that it was his time. He needed more privacy and he wanted to avoid the harsh morning wake up's his father seemed to provide on a daily basis. Karin didn't act out of the normal when he was packing. She offered to help, which Ichigo guessed was to get him out faster. She had dibs on his room.

And of course, Yuzu and his father both had tears in there eyes when his car was all packed. Since he moved, someone was calling him at least once a week, which was nice but it also started to get on his nerves.

The best part about moving out was that he didn't have to sneak around with Renji. The pair had only been together just over a year and he was still skeptical about telling his dad. It had taken them a while, both wanting to wait until after the war to admit anything. The war was two years ago. That was done and over, and Ichigo found it easier to put it in the back of his mind, not wanting to think about it. All that mattered now was that he was still in contact with the Soul Society and he was still performing his duties as a substitute shinigami.

"What are yer thinking about?"

Startled, Ichigo jumped away from the body that was right behind him. He realized that he was colder now, having been standing in front of the open fridge. He shut the door, no longer wanting a soda.

"Not about you." He lied and walked away. Renji followed right behind him.

"Ich-…"

"No."

"Bastard, ya didn't let me finish."

"I know what you are going to ask and I said no. If you want to drive that badly, go find someone else." Ichigo said with a bite. He was determined not to let Renji win this one. And he knew it would be one hell of a fight, giving that it _was_ Renji we were talking about. He never seemed to let anything go and when he wanted something, he would go to just about any length to get it.

**------------------------------**

"Renji…"

"…Ichi…"

The feel of the calloused hands running along his bare torso, the lips hungrily feeding on his neck, and the heat radiating off of the body above him had Ichigo drunk off of pleasure. His eyes, half lidded and clouded with lust could barely focus on the room around him. His arms were lazily wrapped around Renji, his hands resting on the man's back, trying to pull him closer.

Ichigo then pushed on the redhead's shoulders, signaling him to stop his actions. Renji pulled away and found his lips instantly trapped by the younger man's, tongues battling fiercely.

Ichigo pulled away. "God I need you."

Renji smirked, his head resting at the juncture of the man's neck and shoulder. "I'll give you more…if you teach me…"

"Oh hell no." Ichigo growled, shoving Renji away. That was it. Those words seemed to sober him up and the mood was killed. His lust seemed to be sucked away into the darkness of the room. "I wouldn't let you drive during the day and by God if I let you drive at night."

"I didn't mean now." Renji said, slight annoyance evident in his voice. Why wouldn't Ichigo just give in?

Ichigo turned over on his side, his glare being pointed out the window. Renji hung his head, his hair falling over his face. He sighed and moved off of Ichigo, lying down beside him. Well, that was it for tonight. He knew there was no room to talk. The most he would get out of the strawberry was a grunt, if that even. Well, now there was nothing left to do but sleep.

**----------------------------**

Renji seemed just as determined the next day. It started at breakfast.

"You know, maybe it would be good if I learned."

"No."

Then it continued on into Ichigo's shower time. Renji was leaning against the counter in the steamy room, not caring at all how annoyed his boyfriend got.

"It's a real opportunity for me to learn something new."

"Go bug Uryu. He'll teach you to sew."

Ichigo suddenly wished that he had to work today. He wished that he had classes at the local University that he attended. But today was Sunday. No work, no classes. Instead, he had to go to the store.

"I could drive us there."

He considered walking but Renji was already high tailing it to the car parked outside.

"Fuck no." he said and hurried to get there before the redhead.

It went on as the pair got home and started to put the groceries away.

"I really think I could have driven you know."

"Uh-huh." Ichigo drowned him out by singing a song he had heard on the radio in his head.

Finally at lunch, he just seemed to snap.

"Really though…you know you want to…"

"Fine Goddamnit. I'll teach you to fucking drive!" he shouted, his spoon dropping into his bowl of spicy chicken curry. He was sick and tired of listening to the constant drone of 'teach me to drive' and he wanted it to end. Screw not wanting to let Renji win, there was no way he could go on for days like this.

So then, after lunch was done and the dishes sat in the sink, waiting to be washed, Ichigo followed a giddy Renji, who was grinning like a fool at the silver key in his hand, and he knew he had probably made the biggest mistake of his life.

The first bad factor about what he was doing was that it was illegal. Ichigo was only nineteen. Technically, to make it legal, a person without a license had to be accompanied by someone twenty-one or older and that person had to have a valid driver's license. It would be fine if Ichigo was older and Renji had a learner's permit.

Secondly, he wasn't the best teacher around. Still, he would try, even if it would be hopeless. Teaching Renji was like teaching a monkey. There was a chance of it being successful, but it would take a damn long time.

The last thing he was worried about was whether or not his insurance would pay for any damages on the car. Or anything else for that matter.

So as Ichigo watched Renji get into the drivers side of the car, he had a bad feeling in his stomach.

Hesitantly, he opened the passenger side door and got in, knowing this was a horrible idea. He suddenly felt as though he'd be safer in a brutal fight against Kenpachi. Much, much safer.

"Alright," he started when he was seated. He looked over to see Renji staring that the ignition, then back at the key.

"I put it in here right?" he asked. He had watched Ichigo plenty of times to figure out where the key went, but he wanted to be sure.

Ichigo stared, silent for a moment. "Yeah. But don't worry about that yet." Renji frowned.

"Alright, there first thing you'll need is to put your seat belt on." Ichigo said. He had done so the second he got into the car. Renji turned and pulled on the strap.

"I hate this thing." He seethed and latched the buckle.

"I don't care. It'll save you, trust me. Anyways before you start the car you have to check the mirrors." Ichigo said and pointed to the rearview mirror and the two mirrors on the outside of the car.

Renji looked up into the rearview mirror and straightened a loose piece of hair in his ponytail. "What am I supposed to look for?" he questioned.

"To make sure you can see behind you. Look, this mirror here is so you can see out of the back window. That way you can see what's behind you. The two on the outside allow the same thing. This way you can see if there are cars or something." Ichigo explained calmly. "Just adjust it to make sure you can see well enough." Renji was taller than Ichigo, so he had to adjust it in some way.

With a scowl and a raised eyebrow, Renji took hold of the mirror and adjusted it to his liking. "There. Now what?"

"Well, first you need to know which pedals do what." The orange haired one said and leaned over to point out the brake and acceleration pedals. Renji looked down by his feet at the pedals. "The one on the right is the one you push to make the car go. The one on the left is the brake, that's how you stop the car."

Renji nodded to show that he understood.

"I think the easiest way to remember that is what my dad always said. Right means go, left means no." Even to Ichigo it sounded stupid. But as stupid as it sounded, it was something that stuck in his head.

"Right means go, left means no." Renji repeated like a child. "I got it, can I drive now?"

"No." Ichigo said firmly, his face serious. "There's more. Now, we have that all done." One of his slender fingers pointed to the gages. "This big gage, the one with all of the numbers tells you how fast you're going."

"It can do that?" Renji sounded amazed.

"Yeah." Ichigo found himself smiling at the child-like reactions he was receiving from Renji. "There are speed limits alright. You have to abide by the limit, meaning you can't go over it. Actually, you can go over the limit, but by only about five to ten mph. It really depends.

"Now, besides that there comes a time when you'll come to a stop sign."

"You meant that big red sign?" Renji interjected.

Ichigo nodded. "Yeah. That obviously means that you have to stop at that sign. Then you have to see if any other cars are coming. If not, then you can go. If there are, then you wait for the cars that are coming. Also there are traffic lights, but they are more towards town. We shouldn't have to worry about them for a bit." The brown eyed man started to think of anything he missed. He just wanted to get the basics down for Renji and he would go into everything else later.

"I think all you need now is to learn about everything in the car." Ichigo said. "Here." He pointed to the gear shift that was on their side. "This allows you to shift gears. All you need to worry about for now are these three." He pointed to the D, R, and P. "That's drive, reverse, and park. Drive puts the car into drive so it moves. Reverse allows the car to go backwards. And park is used when you aren't going to drive. It ensures that the car will stay in place."

"Got it. Can I drive yet?" Renji asked impatiently.

"No." Ichigo shook his head. "Alright, here by the steering wheel, the thing that allows you to turn the car, this stick controls the windshield wipers. You'll only need that if it's raining or something. You don't need to worry about that now. And on the other side, that stick there allows you to control your directionals. If you are going to make a turn, you have to use directionals so other people know. Push the stick upwards if you are going to turn to the left. Push it downwards if you are going to turn right. Also, you can control the lights and such. You'll need them if you drive at night but not now."

He was sure Renji would be falling asleep by the explanations, but the man was wide awake, too eager to get bored.

"Can I drive yet?" The ruby eyed man asked again.

"No." Ichigo looked around the car. "I think I covered most of everything." He said more to himself.

"Then can I…"

Ichigo opened his door, preparing to step out.

"Where ya going Ichi?" Renji asked looking bewildered.

"Ya didn't think I'd actually let you drive did ya?" Ichigo asked with a raised brow.

"Ya bastard! Just let me! I need practice!" Renji argued. He wanted to drive so badly and an explanation wasn't enough to fuel him over to the next day. He wanted to learn badly.

Ichigo knew he was making the wrong decision as he signed and got back into the car. He was stupid for doing this, for even agreeing to teach Renji. It was stupid, he was stupid, and this whole situation was stupid.

"Fine." He said. "Once around the block and that's it. We come straight home afterwards." He already had his seatbelt back on and was staring out the window.

Renji had the biggest grin on as he inserted the key into the ignition. He looked at it curiously and remembered how Ichigo always got it to start. He twisted the key all the way and the engine roared to life. His grin only widened.

"Alright now…" he whispered to himself. He looked down at the pedals. "Which one meant go?"

"Right." Ichigo said, still staring out the window.

"Oh yeah. Right means go, left means no." Stupidly, Renji pressed down onto the right pedal. The engine roared, causing the lieutenant to jump in surprise. The car stayed in place. "Now why didn't it move?"

Ichigo already had his hand over his eyes, not able to watch the scene. "You have to put it in drive." He said, not looking and pointed to the gear shift. Renji's face lit up.

"Oh. Forgot." He said in embarrassment. He looked at thing. It was on P, he had to put in on D. He pulled the stick, but it didn't move. "What the…?" then he noticed the button on the side. Experimentally, he pushed the button in and found the stick moved then. He grinned once more and moved the stick so it was set to D.

Once more Renji stepped on the acceleration. A bit too hard though. The car was sent flying forwards, Ichigo being pushed back into his seat. "Damn! Renji, stop!" he shouted.

Renji's foot moved to the break, his mind screaming 'no!' Left means no. He slammed his foot down onto the brakes, causing the car to jerk to a stop. Both occupants of the car were sent forward, their seatbelts locking and keeping them from going into the windshield. Ichigo rubbed his neck, swearing he would have the worse case of whiplash when this was over.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Okay. Once more, try it again. And don't step on the pedals so hard. You don't have to step on them hard to get moving." With that first attempt, the strawberry man figured that they were already quarter of a way down the block. Three quarters to go.

Again Renji stepped down into the pedal, this time lighter. They started moving at a nice pace, nice and steady. The good thing was that they were on a street that was straight for a long period of time. It had side roads, but the one they had to take to make a full circle was a ways up. Ichigo's only concern now was getting back and not getting caught.

But sadly, with the way Renji seemed to steer, anyone would think he were drunk.

"Try and go straight." Ichigo sighed. Renji glowered.

"I'm trying damnit! This ain't easy."

Up ahead, Ichigo noticed a stop sign. "Alright, just start to slow down until you reach the sign." He said. Renji nodded, his hands gripping the steering wheel hard. When they approached the sign, they gradually started to come to a stop but at the last second, Renji seemed to steps harder on the breaks, causing the car to jerk to a rough, abrupt stop. Ichigo rubbed the back of his neck.

"We'll work on that." He said and glanced out the windows nervously. No cops in sight, that's what he liked to see. "Alright, I don't see any cars so it's safe to keep going." He said.

Renji complied and stepped on the gas lightly.

So far everything seemed to be going good. All they had to do was circle back around at the next street and get back to his apartment. Then they were home free and he wouldn't have to worry about teaching Renji anymore. Hopefully.

Everything would work out nicely.

**---------------------------**

"Sir, may I see your license and registration?"

Somehow that trip around the block turned into a trip into town. Renji had missed their street and kept right on going, missing every street after the first one. Ichigo had also found out that he was a passenger seat driver, having been stepping on the invisible break that just wasn't there.

Currently, Ichigo was digging through his glove compartment, searching for the registration for the car. It didn't matter anyways; he was fucked to begin with.

Renji was glaring at the police officer. "What the hell is a license? I don't have one, I don't think." He said to the officer. Sadly, Ichigo thought, Renji just never knew when to keep his mouth shut.

"You don't you?" the officer asked. Ichigo dug out the registration and handed it to the officer.

"Sir, I need to see_ your_ license." He said to Ichigo. "That is, if you have one."

Scowling, Ichigo got out his wallet and took out his license, handing it over. The officer looked it over. "You're nineteen then. And he doesn't have a license."

"I still don't get this license crap." Renji stupidly said. Ichigo buried his head in his hands, wishing Renji would just shut up. They were already busted, they would probably get arrested (if not, he was sure they were blessed), and Renji just didn't get that they were in trouble. And that it was his fault.

"Sir, you need to have a license to drive legally." The officer explained and handed everything back to Ichigo.

"Well that's stupid." Renji barked.

The officer took a small pad of tickets out and began to write. "Sir, you are accused on running through multiple stop signs, one red light, going over the speed limit, and refusal to pull over. Is there anything else you would like to add to that?" he asked, sounding somewhat amused.

"I don't think I used my directionally thingy when I turned a while ago. Yeah, cause you kept yellin' at me Ichi, and I couldn't figure it out." What was even more sad was that Renji was smiling in a joking manor as he faced Ichigo.

"Just shut up Renji." Ichigo said darkly through his hands. He wished for nothing more than to turn invisible at this moment. Or to be transported somewhere else.

It was official. Renji was never allowed to drive again. Ever.

"Sir, I'm going to have to have you step out the car." The officer said. Ichigo felt everything fall around him and he just wanted to disappear now.

"Huh? Why? You can't tell me what to do!" Renji argued back at the officer.

"Sir, it would be best if you…"

"Hell no! I don't take orders from anyone! And what makes you so special? Just who do you think you are accusin' me of doing anything?"

"Renji, just do as he says!" Ichigo hissed and unbuckled his seatbelt.

"Hell, not you too! You ain't my mother Ichigo!" Renji lashed out.

"Now Sir, do I say or I'll have you booked for refusing arrest."

"Fuck that bastard!"

And suddenly a pair of handcuffs were being swung in Renji's face.

"Why the hell ya got a pair of them? Ain't they meant for the bedroom?" Renji wiggled his eyebrows. "Is this some kind of joke? Some kinky joke?"

And Ichigo knew that his soul was officially on the road to the soul society at that very moment.

* * *

**Alright, I hoped everyone liked that. It's eleven thirty five, and I wrote all of this in one shot. Took me…oh three hours. Damn. **


End file.
